Trauma Informed Integrative Therapist
Zuzana Bubalova

How to stop worrying about what other people think of you.

Welcome. Today we will dive into a topic that many of my clients have found challenging — how to stop worrying about: What other people think of you.

Drawing from my experience as a therapist, I’ll be sharing insights gained from working with my clients navigating these concerns. And to go right to the problem, let’s unpack it.

The connection between external and internal world

What I have observed is that for the person, who is worried about what other people think,  there is often a strong connection between seeking external validation and the internal void. In another words, the biggest thing making this a problem for us comes from the fact that we turn to the approval of others to fill the hole inside of ourselves. And most of us have this issue to some degree. Because naturally, the desire for approval stems from a deeper need for self-validation.

If it‘s a therapy , or a recommendation for home, a significant focus is on shifting our attention from external validation to a more sustainable internal source of worth. Just like grounding your self- esteem within, instead of being at the mercy of our environment to tell you what you are worth. Depending on the situation and with whom we are, this can change, just like the wind in the air. So, cultivating self-compassion and self-love is the key. And the more we go about filling that hole from within, easier it is to stop worrying so much about what other people think. (In this article I share with you one of the methods I use with my clients on how to cultivate more compassion towards yourself.)

Finding the balance

But of course, it’s not to say that the aim is to stop completely about what other people think. I believe you would agree with me that this wouldn’t be a practical way to live in the world. Instead, we strive to find a balance between caring about others’ opinions as a form of valuable feedback, and maintaining a healthy mindset.

And so, when you reach a certain level of how you see the world and how you perceive other people’s perspectives, you start to see inside of where people are coming from, why they say the things they say. And when you perceive people form that understanding, what they say has less and less power to negatively affect you. The emotional impact of their judgments is significantly reduced.

From my experience, this transitioned mindset still allows you to care what people think, but you gain a different quality of thoughts and feelings.  Something more like this: “I care about how this person thinks, because I need to know how to help them. And how can I reach them.” You become curious instead of offended or hurt. And so, what other people say, you evolve to realize that you are making it less and less about YOU.  

Transformative healing towards resilient perspective

And it’s a process, a journey through life where we evolve and heal, and our understanding evolves with it. When you clear the hurt form your past and gain clarity on past wounds, you start to perceive other people’s opinions as opinions. And when they speak, sometimes you will even be able to see the hurt they are speaking form.  Your changed perspective will allow for a different, less emotionally charged reaction. What other people people think of you doesn’t affect you the same anymore.

I hope these insights provide a valuable perspectives on navigating your concerns about what others think. Remember, learning to stop worrying about external opinions is a journey of self-discovery, healing past emotional wounds, compassion to yourself and really loving yourself more. If you find yourself seeking support, a listening ear, or a partner in your growth, I’m here for you. Let’s work together to cultivate a mindset of self-love and resilience. Feel free to reach out – whether it’s to share your thoughts, ask questions, or explore ways I can support you on your personal journey. Your well-being is important, and I’m here to help you.

Until then, take care of yourself and keep thriving!